Pros & Cons of going home during deployment

Spouses often weigh the pros and cons of going home during a deployment. There are a lot of good reasons to do either. Today I am sharing some of my personal reasons for both. This is pros and cons  with kids, because honestly I think its kind of no brainer without kids, although I know plenty of people who still choose to stay. I have gone home and stayed behind in the past, and I think theres no right or wrong answer, its just what works best for your family and what you're more comfortable with. So don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about your choice, because YOU are the one that has to deal with it. I've had family make me feel bad about not moving home and I've had wives say I'm not a "real" military wife for going home (shrug). Who cares? Do whats best for your family.

Here is the list for Pros.....

1. Being near family

This is in my opinion the biggest reason to go home. If you like your family, have a lot of family, and miss them, this is a great reason to go back. I think they make the time go by quickly and you can keep busy. Your kids will also be with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins which I think helps them take it a little easier.

2. Saving money

There are a few ways to save money during deployment but if you can move back in with your parents it will save you a lot of money. This one is hard once you have kids because you want your own space and living with someone is never fun. But if you can suck it up for a year it will be worth it.

3. You have babysitters

It's hard to trust people with your kids and as much as we have great friends here, theres a limit to their kindness. Theres no limit to your family's kindness because they're stuck with you. So one of the awesome things about being home is we have a lot of babysitters and if I ever need a break, I know I can get one.

4. Its familiar

This one is specially true if you just moved somewhere and your husband has to deploy. A deployment alone is very overwhelming but being somewhere new with no friends, different weather, and an area you're not familiar with can be scary. I know I wasn't familiar with snow when we first moved here and I was terrified he would deploy in the winter.


Those are pretty much my pros, theres not a lot but I feel like they're big ones. Now for the Cons.....

1. You have to move

Yea, you have to move yourself and just thinking about it hurts my head. You have to figure out a way to move either one or two vehicles, kids, a household. If you don't move your stuff you have to figure out where to store it, and it's  a pain not to be in the same state as your stuff. Depending on if you're going back there it might be the smartest move. Not to mention you husband probably can't take time off before deployment because of all the trainings so you're likely left doing it alone. This was our biggest reason for not going home the last deployment. Oh, did i mention you have to move back?

2. You have to pull your kids out of school

One of the biggest reasons for not moving is consistency for your kids. Even though you're near family it can still be overwhelming for your kids to move to a whole different place, one they might not even recognize. Your kids having to switch schools is also hard because they have to make new friends. This is unfortunately the hard life of a military child. I think that if our sons were a little older and both in school, I probably would have stayed. In talking to our oldest, he's really sad to be leaving his school and his friends.

3. Military town

One of the most awesome things about living here is how much people appreciate the military. Coming from California its a really awesome change that I appreciate it. If you come from a military town then its a no brainer but if you don't, it can be tough leaving that. Everything is set up for you as a military family. Our church, friends, unit, and even the kids school all know when they're deployed. My sons school actually ask and his teachers know. It's a really neat support system to be in a military town.

4. Military Wives

Unless your family and friends have experienced it, no one knows how hard it is to be in the military. It really is a unique experience that only other military spouses understand. There are days that you're sad, angry, frustrated, want to be alone, need friends and these are all things that military wives understand perfectly. The wave of emotion that comes with the military is very real. It can feel very lonely even being surrounded by such close family and friends.

5. Military Kids

Similar to military wives, military kids stick together. It helped my son to know that some of his friends dads were deployed. It can be hard for kids to understand what a deployment is and why their parent is leaving, but knowing he's not alone helped him. His friends who had experienced this and were older actually explained to him that his dad would be back and that it was going to be okay. It helped him know that here its perfectly normal for dads to leave for a long time and come back.


 I most commonly see young wives go home, while wives with kids, specially older kids, stay put. You just have to weigh the cost of moving vs staying. An oversees tour is actually different. The military will move you or pay you to move where you choose.

For myself personally, even though I hate the thought of living with someone, I know it will benefit us in the long run to save money. Thats what works for us at the moment!

Let me know some of your reasons for either down below!

6 things that surprised me about the Army

We've been in the Army all of three years and seeing how I'm an expert on the subject, I thought I would write about it. Well three years in the military is nothing, I know nothing, I have experienced nothing, and I am nobody, but there are things that really surprised me about the military and I've had people ask me whats its like or who say their boyfriend is thinking of joining, what should I know.  Being from California you don't really grow up knowing that much about the military, just what you see in movies and here from the weirdos that are in ROTC. So I had my own idea of what it would be like, and although it wasn't completely off the mark, there are things that really surprised me about it, and here they are....



1. Time away from family

I knew that the military came with deployments and that they weren't fun. But i didn't think about the month long trainings, or the week long trainings, the overnight ones. Or that on a daily basis my husband works 13+ hours. The time away is no joke and its enough for us to say no to a life long career in the military.

2. Not all jobs are the same

Your job matters. As much as all of this is my experience, my neighbors is completely different, and her neighbors is different. Everyone has a job in the Army and it determines your hours, deployments, stations. It matters what you do and more than that, who your boss is. Even though our experiences will be very similar, no ones will be exactly a like.


3. It's not like the movies

I expected soldiers to be really proud of being in the military. I expected them to be honorable and outstanding people. If you're in the military you're probably laughing at all of this. Although those guys are there, a lot of the time you have guys who hate it. Who have attitude, who talk back, who are rude. Theres cheating, stealing, DUIs. All things that happen in civilian life, I guess I just thought the military was different.


4. The people you meet

The people you meet really do become like family. No one understands exactly what you're going through better than them. I didn't expect to get as attached as I have to the people here but we have learned that we are able to make lifelong friendships anywhere. We feel like this has been Gods way of showing us the importance of the global church, not just the church in your hometown. This has honestly been the biggest lesson we learned from the military.

5. It brings you together or tears you apart

Deployments, trainings, time away can all be a huge strain on your marriage. It can lead to resentment, anger, bitterness. The military can make it really easy to have disconnect with your spouse. You are in a sense leading separate lives. Things get busy for them and things get busy at home. If you're not intentional, I think it can lead to a lot of problems. On the other side, it can, at times be good. Being away from your spouse brings a different kind of emotional intimacy that you both experience. If communicated correctly, it can make your relationship grow so much. Every time my husband is away from home, I feel like we grow closer. Its almost like your relationship is put in the oven and it either burns or it grows tremendously and quickly.

6. Family

Even though life in the military has been difficult and at times impossible, I wouldn't take it back. God has used it to grow us. We have really realized the importance of family. Things change so quickly in the military, people often come and go. The constant is our family and we have made it a point to focus on it. We focus on our marriage and on our boys. It has been really awesome to see military families with high school kids that are really close. They're like a little team of Christians, a force, serving and loving wherever they go. Its something to aspire to in the future. I hope wherever we go next and eventually end up that people feel the same way about our family. We're learning that you get out of relationships, what you pour into them, and we should pour everything into the people around us.


The Army is not everyone. It is a really hard place to be, and even more so for Christians. I am grateful for everyone who chooses to do what so few choose. It can be a learning, trying, and growing experience. There is a lot of sacrifice that comes with it, but there is also a lot to be proud of. We are so very proud of our soldier. I love that we can tell our boys that their dad is doing something great and even though he's not always home, we can always be proud of the man he is.

Country Living

We moved to the country! I guess we have been living in the country for a year now, but now we actually live in a country house. Where our neighbors are farmers, and have horses, and are like miles apart. All I can say is that I am most definitely from LA! This kind of living is different. The first night here I almost had a panic attack because of the bugs, they are everywhere. They're also very noisy. I have always said that I wanted to live in the country and I finally got my wish. It will take some adjusting, and I'm not sure that I will like it more than LA, but I think it will grow on me, we will see.   I have to say that when I first heard well water I was really confused. What do you mean our water comes from a well? Why does it smell like farts? Can I drink it? Will I run out? How will I know if I'm almost out? These are all the questions I had (some of which have yet to be answered). The lady on the phone also laughed at me when I asked about the gas. You mean gas doesn't magically come to your house? You have to have someone refill your oil for heat?! I'm not sure that you can understand my dumbfoundedness unless you've lived in a city your entire life. These are things we took for granted in LA. Water, gas, electricity, all just showed up all the time, and if they didn't someone was going to get in trouble or sued (yup). I was really excited today when it rained because I said our well is filling up (haha). I can see the importance of rain now!! It's kind of amazing how many things we take for granted. This past week has seriously been such a learning experience, and I have a feeling It's only the beginning. We will see where this new chapter takes us, and for how long. I'm sure I will have many other seemingly dumb discoveries, specially if my husband agrees to chickens!

The Unknown

We have only been in the military for close to two years, but it feels like a lifetime. Certain territory comes with joining the military, and part of that is the unknown. What I mean by that is the ridiculous lack of knowledge that you have about your future. Is he deploying soon? Are we moving? How long is his deployment? Where are they going? How long will we be here? These are all the questions that I  ask myself once a month. To no avail can any of these be answered! So the military has taught me that I have ZERO idea or control over where I will be a year from now, heck six months from now! But do we really have any idea where any of us will be in a year. The military has a funny way of teaching you to trust in God. I never realized how much I counted on my own plans, how much I planned, and how much I talked about my plans. Which is comical considering NOTHING has worked out as we planned.

If you would have asked me eight years ago what my life would be like now I would have painted a VERY different picture. If you would have asked me what our life would be like when we first got married it was still so very different than what it is now. Like living in California, RJ becoming a cop, me being a teacher different. God closed those doors really quickly. At the time we didn't understand and we were really heartbroken. Just the other day we were  saying how grateful we are that he didn't become a cop because of everything that's going on. We couldn't have said that three years ago because we didn't know. I will always remember a sermon my father in law gave where he asked if this is where we pictured our life in a year. The answer has always been no! A year and some months ago we thought we were going to Korea, now we're in NY, and I can honestly say I have no idea where I will be in a year. But I have found some peace in that. I think that its foolish to think we can plan the future, but I know I did! Now there is absolutely no denying that things are out of my control. I haven't mastered it, but it has grown me. When you hand your plans completely over to someone its humbling. Some people might think that we've handed our lives to the military, but it is evident now more than ever that God directs our step. I can promise you that God wants us in NY, that He is providing every way possible for us to be here and to be used. Its amazing how much we've seen him work through us in the year that we have been here. We still miss home, It's still a struggle, but It's okay! We're learning to let go of our ideas and embrace what God has for us.

Heres to the future, whatever it is!

Norther New York Guide!

I am finally getting around to making a NNY Guide! Something I wish we would have had when we first arrived at Fort Drum. It can seem like there's not a lot to do around here, but when you really explore there is a whole lot to do.  So I am making a list of some of our favorite ways to get out there. Everything I post is kid friendly because we take Jed everywhere with us! From closest to Fort Drum to the furthest. Enjoy! 

Fort Drum/Watertown!

• On Fort Drum there are splash pads (which is one of the first things we did here), bowling, trails, library (story time). I know ACS has a lot of events as well for moms who stay home and want to go out during the day.

• Watertown. The closest big city to Fort Drum has some normal things to do, like the mall, the movies, places to eat. Downtown Watertown is a neat place to see. The library is historic and there is even a museum across from it for all you history buffs! In the summer they have a Famers Market on Wednesdays, It's a lot of fun. 
• Thompson Park. Located near downtown Watertown, this is one of the coolest, if not the coolest, park here. It has a huge wooden playground, a beautiful view with an open field, and a zoo (more below).
•  The Watertown zoo in my opinion is kind of lame (for a zoo). Although its not very expensive, $7 for adults, $4 for kids, kids 3 and under are FREE.  They have local animals, and a really cool butterfly house which may be worth the $7. They also have a small farm section where you can pet some of the animals. 
• Burville Cider mill is a quick 20min venture but oh so worth the donuts and cider that they have. You can also buy apples and look at their cool waterfall. Don't be fooled by their website, It's only open in the Fall. 
• Farms in general are a lot of fun to see. You can go apple picking in the fall, and berry picking in the summer! 

Sackets Harbor

• Old McDonalds Farm is a really fun farm to visit with kids, but even if you don't have kids, its still fun. Its seems a little expensive for a farm, $10 for adult and $8 for kids. But there is a whole lot to do! You can see farm animals, feed them, theres a tour, jumpers for kids, mini golf. You can spend an entire day there. 
• Sackets Harbor is a beautiful little water town. Its very historic, known for the war of 1812. They have tours in the summer and some little museums that you can see. But even if you don't see any of that, the town itself is beautiful to walk around. There are some cute shops you can visit, and I would recommend eating breakfast at the Tin Pan Galley it is seriously amazing (and expensive), I would do dinner at Goodfellos, they have the best brick oven pizza! If you like spicy, I recommend the afterburner. Then head over to the ice cream stand across the street for some amazing ice cream! 

Clayton 

• Another cute little town by the water. They have some fun shops, including the river rat cheese store!! They also have the antique boat museum, I believe its $12 but free for military. 

Alexandria Bay

• Alexandria bay is probably the most "touristy" thing here. Similar to Clayton, but with a little more things to do. Not only can you walk around, but they also have some really neat boat tours you can do. They have one that takes you to Boldt Castle which is a must see here. 

Syracuse 

• Syracuse, being a major college town, has a lot to do! There is Destiny USA, which is one of the biggest malls in the state.  There is also the Syracuse zoo which is free to military and family. There is also Dinosaur BBQ which was on DD&D, and worth the ridiculous wait and crowd. 

Canada

• Canada is only about 30 min from Fort drum. If you're in the area I would highly recommend going there! Right after the border they have a really cool observation tower that is worth seeing. We visited Brockville while we were there, but there is obviously so much you can see. 

Baseball Hall of Fame

• One of my favorite things we've done! Not only is the baseball hall of fame cool, but Cooperstown is really neat to see. 

Niagara Falls

• Don't really need to say much about this, it speaks for itself! This is one of those must see things that is a little further away but worth the trip. Buffalo is a cool city to see if you're in the area, and I recommend eating at lake affect diner, and Sophias on Military Rd (only breakfast/lunch place). 

These are just a few of the places you can see while you're here. There really is a lot to do around here, my favorite being yard sales and random events near town. There is a whole lot of outdoor things to do that I didn't bother mentioning because they seem so obvious, like hiking, rafting, fishing, ect. The fourth of July seems to be the busiest and seems to yield the most to do! But there is something to do in every season, including the wretched winter. 

Old Mcdonald's Farm

I finally got a chance to sit and write a post about my in-laws visiting. While they were here we managed to see a lot of different things. We even made a trip down to Niagara falls. Today I wanted to share our day at the farm. Farms have been one of the very best things about the north country! Everyone here seems to have one. We visited Old Mcdonald's farm out by Sackets Harbor, and I have to say it was pretty amazing. We don't really grow up with farm animals in the city and even if you can see them, you can't get that close. It was amazing how close you were able to get here. You would never be able to do that in LA. We had a really great time! Jed loved every minute of it. I think the goats were his favorite.

 He was able to feed them, which was awesome. I would actually not mind having a goat, they seem useful, and a little cute.

 He was so excited, he was dancing!

 He fed whatever these are. Peacocks? Chickens?

 They had a reindeer! It was so cool!!! I mean, just very cool.

 The cows were my favorite. I just think they're so cute! I also feel like i relate with them the best. I feel like a cow is my spiritual animal, you know.

They had a pumpkin patch where you could pick pumpkins for $2! 

It was such a blast! Definitely hope to go back once the season starts up again.

I hope to blog more regularly again. I feel like I need the outlet. I just think my brain is a little fried from these crazy last few months. Jed is getting older and he does not stop talking. It is both cute and exhausting. He's getting to the age where he repeats everything you say. Yikes! Hope to share more soon, maybe in a vlog. Just trying to get back in the swing of things around here.

Hope everyone is having a great week so far!

Apple Picking

We went Apple Picking on Monday. A family at church has an apple orchard and they so generously invited the entire church to come and pick some apples. It was so much fun!! We had a BBQ afterwards. They also played volleyball, corn hole, had a trampoline (which Jed loved), and rode kids on a tractor. It was the full country experience. I have to say, I loved it!! It was so much fun. I could see us living this kind of life.

They had a lot of different varities of apples and Jed just had to try them all. 

^^Natalia! This is Jeds new BFF. We love that they live a few houses down from us :) 

^^This was my favorite. It was really red, almost purple, and white like snow on the inside.^^ 

The wasp or bees that were after the apples were insane! The bugs here are something else. I think the term is not afraid. Which makes me more afraid! Ha

Look at that face! He loved it. He just enjoys being outside and doing all of these things. I enjoy watching him have fun. It's funny how your priorities change so much as a parent. I'm thinking we should get a trampoline in the summer. It seems to be what these country people do, that and slackline's.

I am really enjoying experiencing this slower pace, outdoor lifestyle. We were promised snowmobile riding in the winter so we're looking forward to that :) We are just embracing this whole new life and taking the good with the bad. Although, I still much rather have my husband home. It does seem like we grow closer each time he leaves.

Farmer's Market

There are so many farmers markets here! Which I guess can be completely expected in the country. That is one of the things I have really enjoyed about this place. The food is really fresh here, I enjoy supporting local farmers. Not to mention you can get the best cheesecake brownie here!!! We went into downtown this week and just decided to walk around, because that is what you do here for fun.

The carrots were something else!^^^ This picture doesn't do them justice.

The library here is really cool. We like the lions that great you in the front.

I let jed pick a pumpkin, he ended up dropping one so thats  what he had to take home. He thinks It's a ball (sigh).

They had the cutest little onions, or are they shallots? Not sure.

This was the one he dropped. So we picked it and sent Dad a picture. Speaking of, I really miss him. You would think at this point in our marriage I would be use to functioning without him, but I'm not. It still stinks. It feels like a part of me is missing. It's this weird, aching, uncomfortable feeling. i hate it. Ive been super emotional this past week, and I keep asking myself how I will handle a deployment. A part of me feels like I can't and I keep praying that it doesn't happen. Its just so honestly hard to be a part from RJ. We have been together since I was 14!! That is almost half my life.It really is hard for us to function a part. The only comfort I take is knowing he's miserable too. Ha. Just kidding!

Hoping these last few weeks go by quickly!

Alexandria Bay, NY

Alexandria Bay, part of the Thousand Island area! This place is so beautiful. On Tuesday we decided to pack up and go. It is about 10 min from Cananda and 20 min from where we live. Yes, we live 30 mini from Canada!!!! So where we live is breathtaking just about anywhere you turn. Alexandria Bay is surrounded by beautiful water and its main attractions are two castles. You can also do other things there like fishing and scuba diving. We just walked around and took lots of pictures.

The weather was just too much. I mean, c'mon!!! ^^^ Right? The weather was perfect.

Jed took this picture^^^ He's turning into quite photographer :) I love it!

That shirt! Vilma said I should buy it for RJ, I didn't argue. Ha! 

This place wasn't open :/ I'm pretty sure they close after summer. Hopefully they will open Saturdays!

She had to touch the water. She said she would have jumped in! That means it must feel great.

All in all it was a really great day! I can really get use to living here. This place is just so beautiful. I love the slow paced life and the easy going of it all.

But maybe I'll change my mind come February!    

What I miss about city living

There are a few things that I miss about city living. Although its all rainbows and sunshine up here, theres a real convenience that comes with living in a big city. I was reminded of that over the weekend. I mean, the convenience of running to Target for diapers, or the corner store for milk. You can't really do that out here. While the pros outweigh the cons, there are days where I wish I could get sushi delivered (sigh).

^^Although nothing beats a star lite sky, a backdrop like that comes pretty close^^

Having everything close together has to be number one! Out here you have to drive 20 miles to the nearest store. You can't really walk anywhere, so it can be kind of tough getting around sometimes. We definitely have to plan every family outing, and by outing I mean a trip to the grocery store turns into a family trip. 

The food. THE FOOD! I miss the sushi restaurants, indian food, and the convenience of eating whatever you can think of in a matter of minutes. Although, we have wild turkeys, so theres that. 

The fun activities. I don't think its possible to be bored in LA. There is always something to do. I mean you could go to the beach and the mountains in the same day. How could you ever be bored?

What I obviously miss most of all is our family, but these simple things that you take for granted as a "city kid" are starting to be missed too. I still very much love it here. We are definitely getting a lot of family time, and seem to be doing EVERYTHING as a family. We need to get some board games before winter, and we will be all set. Cant seem to find a single one, which is sad, because I owned like 10 (grrr).

So for now I will enjoy chasing turkeys and watching deer graze, and hope that the next place we live is just as fun, with maybe a Target within walking distance.