Spouses often weigh the pros and cons of going home during a deployment. There are a lot of good reasons to do either. Today I am sharing some of my personal reasons for both. This is pros and cons with kids, because honestly I think its kind of no brainer without kids, although I know plenty of people who still choose to stay. I have gone home and stayed behind in the past, and I think theres no right or wrong answer, its just what works best for your family and what you're more comfortable with. So don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty about your choice, because YOU are the one that has to deal with it. I've had family make me feel bad about not moving home and I've had wives say I'm not a "real" military wife for going home (shrug). Who cares? Do whats best for your family.
Here is the list for Pros.....
1. Being near family
This is in my opinion the biggest reason to go home. If you like your family, have a lot of family, and miss them, this is a great reason to go back. I think they make the time go by quickly and you can keep busy. Your kids will also be with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins which I think helps them take it a little easier.
2. Saving money
There are a few ways to save money during deployment but if you can move back in with your parents it will save you a lot of money. This one is hard once you have kids because you want your own space and living with someone is never fun. But if you can suck it up for a year it will be worth it.
3. You have babysitters
It's hard to trust people with your kids and as much as we have great friends here, theres a limit to their kindness. Theres no limit to your family's kindness because they're stuck with you. So one of the awesome things about being home is we have a lot of babysitters and if I ever need a break, I know I can get one.
4. Its familiar
This one is specially true if you just moved somewhere and your husband has to deploy. A deployment alone is very overwhelming but being somewhere new with no friends, different weather, and an area you're not familiar with can be scary. I know I wasn't familiar with snow when we first moved here and I was terrified he would deploy in the winter.
Those are pretty much my pros, theres not a lot but I feel like they're big ones. Now for the Cons.....
1. You have to move
Yea, you have to move yourself and just thinking about it hurts my head. You have to figure out a way to move either one or two vehicles, kids, a household. If you don't move your stuff you have to figure out where to store it, and it's a pain not to be in the same state as your stuff. Depending on if you're going back there it might be the smartest move. Not to mention you husband probably can't take time off before deployment because of all the trainings so you're likely left doing it alone. This was our biggest reason for not going home the last deployment. Oh, did i mention you have to move back?
2. You have to pull your kids out of school
One of the biggest reasons for not moving is consistency for your kids. Even though you're near family it can still be overwhelming for your kids to move to a whole different place, one they might not even recognize. Your kids having to switch schools is also hard because they have to make new friends. This is unfortunately the hard life of a military child. I think that if our sons were a little older and both in school, I probably would have stayed. In talking to our oldest, he's really sad to be leaving his school and his friends.
3. Military town
One of the most awesome things about living here is how much people appreciate the military. Coming from California its a really awesome change that I appreciate it. If you come from a military town then its a no brainer but if you don't, it can be tough leaving that. Everything is set up for you as a military family. Our church, friends, unit, and even the kids school all know when they're deployed. My sons school actually ask and his teachers know. It's a really neat support system to be in a military town.
4. Military Wives
Unless your family and friends have experienced it, no one knows how hard it is to be in the military. It really is a unique experience that only other military spouses understand. There are days that you're sad, angry, frustrated, want to be alone, need friends and these are all things that military wives understand perfectly. The wave of emotion that comes with the military is very real. It can feel very lonely even being surrounded by such close family and friends.
5. Military Kids
Similar to military wives, military kids stick together. It helped my son to know that some of his friends dads were deployed. It can be hard for kids to understand what a deployment is and why their parent is leaving, but knowing he's not alone helped him. His friends who had experienced this and were older actually explained to him that his dad would be back and that it was going to be okay. It helped him know that here its perfectly normal for dads to leave for a long time and come back.
I most commonly see young wives go home, while wives with kids, specially older kids, stay put. You just have to weigh the cost of moving vs staying. An oversees tour is actually different. The military will move you or pay you to move where you choose.
For myself personally, even though I hate the thought of living with someone, I know it will benefit us in the long run to save money. Thats what works for us at the moment!
Let me know some of your reasons for either down below!
