Life with a newborn and Toddler

Life has been like a crazy tornado around here. I hate to admit that life was kind of a breeze with just Jed. He drove me a little crazy at times but I was able to give him individual attention and we were still able to go out with him fairly easily. Having two kids seems to change everything. It's like theres not one free minute in the day. If I can manage to have them both take naps, which they are doing right now (hallelujah), I try to nap too.

 Jed has adjusted pretty well considering everything that has changed. New brother, new house, and visitors all in the same month!! He has had his, umm moments, but for the most part he's been pretty helpful. He also finds it necessary to kiss him and hug him everyday. It's pretty adorable! Nothing can prepare you for a newborn! I can only describe it as  someone throwing you in a foreign country and making you get a job. Is that a weird description? Ha. But thats how I imagine it. Even after Jed, I still feel like I don't exactly know what I'm doing. He's already so different from Jed, and our life situation is very different too. Being away from family is probably the most difficult thing this time around. Even if just for the moral support, you miss that. I'm even starting to miss my mom telling me that he's always cold and needs socks.

 It seems like life is speeding by with two kids. How is he a month already!? It feels like we just brought him home the other day. I'm looking forward to seeing how different he is than Jed, and to them playing together, that day cant come soon enough for Jed! He loves having a brother. As you can see by the pictures above^^ Funny story, those pictures were so hard to take. Jed was being a complete butt head during the whole thing. A toddler with attitude is exactly like being pecked to death by chickens (whoever thought of that is wise beyond their years)! RJ says he's 3 going on 13 year old girl (hahaha). So I will forever laugh at these picture because they just don't tell the whole story, but pictures never do ;)

Two Weeks

Its been almost two weeks since we welcomed Lucas into our lives. It has been a very crazy two weeks, we are really tired, but really grateful to have him. Life with a toddler and a newborn is exhausting, but so much fun. I mean I'm walking around with milk stains, messy hair, and sweats! I forgot how much work it is to have a newborn. And we've talked about HAVING MORE!! Are we insane or what!?


 It's amazing how your heart opens up to love a whole other person. How can you love someone you just met so much? How can I already have hopes and dreams for this little guy? Motherhood is such an amazing thing, and a new baby just grows your love more than you thought was possible. You're responsible for a human! And as much as I want to take credit for making him, I know that God made him perfectly for us. We are the very best parents for Luke and he is the very best for our family. Can't wait to see him grow up and play with his brother, who is already (surprisingly) so in love. It could have really gone either way, and the first night we thought it was going the other way, but we're so grateful that Jed seems to really like his brother. He kisses him and hugs him everyday, and he tries to help in any way he can. He is just the sweetest! And even though sometimes I feel like Cinderella (before the castle), it is totally worth it!

Country Living

We moved to the country! I guess we have been living in the country for a year now, but now we actually live in a country house. Where our neighbors are farmers, and have horses, and are like miles apart. All I can say is that I am most definitely from LA! This kind of living is different. The first night here I almost had a panic attack because of the bugs, they are everywhere. They're also very noisy. I have always said that I wanted to live in the country and I finally got my wish. It will take some adjusting, and I'm not sure that I will like it more than LA, but I think it will grow on me, we will see.   I have to say that when I first heard well water I was really confused. What do you mean our water comes from a well? Why does it smell like farts? Can I drink it? Will I run out? How will I know if I'm almost out? These are all the questions I had (some of which have yet to be answered). The lady on the phone also laughed at me when I asked about the gas. You mean gas doesn't magically come to your house? You have to have someone refill your oil for heat?! I'm not sure that you can understand my dumbfoundedness unless you've lived in a city your entire life. These are things we took for granted in LA. Water, gas, electricity, all just showed up all the time, and if they didn't someone was going to get in trouble or sued (yup). I was really excited today when it rained because I said our well is filling up (haha). I can see the importance of rain now!! It's kind of amazing how many things we take for granted. This past week has seriously been such a learning experience, and I have a feeling It's only the beginning. We will see where this new chapter takes us, and for how long. I'm sure I will have many other seemingly dumb discoveries, specially if my husband agrees to chickens!

Pregnancy after loss

We're a month away from our due date and still nowhere near prepared for having a baby. Our bassinet is still in the garage, our car seat is still wrapped, and we still have no baby name, diapers, or clothes. This summer has been really busy, but I still find it curious that we are not at all prepared. It really goes against my nature to not prepare for things. If anything, I am overly prepared! As I was thinking the other day why we haven't done any of those things, what came to mind was, well you never know. It was  such a strange thought. I think after losing Benjamin, I'm a lot more cautious about things. Quite frankly, I'm a little scared. There were so many things that I thought could go wrong with Benjamin, but losing him was never one of them. The thought of picking a baby name just scares me. It scares me to make plans, and have dreams for this baby like we did with Ben.

 I don't know what the answer is. I know God is in control. I know that there are a lot of things that I can never change, but I can't help but feel scared. I'm not even sure that scared is the right word. I still feel heartbreak for Benjamin, the same way as I did when he first died. I don't think that's something that will ever go away. A part of me just feels like I could never handle going through something like that again, and the possibility scares me.  I know that rationally I shouldn't be afraid of something that isn't happening, and that I can't know will happen. I just can't live that way. We're just taking it one day at a time. There are good days and bad days, but every day we are reminded that God is in control. There is nothing outside of His power and He loves us. Even through the struggle, there is no better place to be. We are excited and nervous, but always hopeful. Continue to pray for us! 35 weeks!

Bye California

Today seemed like a long time coming. I have been waiting for the day where I could finally be with RJ. To say I have been walking around as half a person seems very accurate. I have known RJ since I was 14 years old. We grew up together, we learned a lot of things together, and we think the same. Its strange how we can be so different and so similar at the same time. I love my husband! I mean, madly in love, could spend every second of every day with him. He's just a lot of fun to be around. We just don't know how to function apart from each other. Some people might think thats pathetic, but It's the truth, and I like it!

However, I am really going to miss everyone. It breaks my heart to leave all of our family and friends. It's kind of hard to explain how much we love these people. I know everyone feels like they have the best friends in the world, but we do! I feel really blessed with amazing friendships. Honestly, I have never felt like an exceptional person, or friend for that matter, but I have had some very exceptional friendships. I could never express how much that has meant to me. I have felt really taken care of by these women. I have laughed, and cried with these women, and confided in them. I have felt the love of Christ through them. Through my brothers who have really stepped up in any way that I needed while RJ wasn't here. My in-laws who I love like my own parents. I always laughed when women would say they have awful mother in laws. I thought, aren't they all great? I love my mother in law, she's pretty wonderful. I confide in her and ask her for advice. I look up to her, and model a lot of who I am as a wife and mother after her. My father in law is pretty great too. I call them mary poppin parents, because they're wonderful.

Alright, at the risk of being completely unbearably mushy, all I can say is that I love all of the. They're all so unique and yet they work so great together. That might be what I love most about them, the way they work unto the Lord! Wether it was going to the gym or going on a trip, or just hanging out. They have made these 6 months bare able. I have learned how to love people unconditionally, how to be sacrificial and give your all to others (something I learned from both my mom and RJs grandmothers). God has given me sisters, brothers, a father, mothers, aunts, grandmothers. I have learned something different from each of them. I really can't see how I can find people as great as these. I just hope they know that as much as we have meant to them, they have meant that much and more to us. We love you guys!

I have seen biblical love in action. I'm going to stop now because i can go on but It's getting too sappy and too depressing. I'm starting to sound like a nice drunk. Everyone is great! I love you all. Haha.

Goodbye California! You're beaches are only beautiful in Orange County, your freeways are way too crowded, you are way too hot (100 in december!), you smell like pee, and you're a blue state, BUT you have some very amazing people living there!